Alistair's blog

I predict 2025 will be one of the most important years of my life.

At some point, I don’t know when, I will need to make a choice. I need to decide what I want to do with my life for the upcoming year or two. In economic terms, I need to pay the opportunity cost of committing.

A few days ago, my parents were told that my grandfather (who is now the last standing elder in our family) was in dire condition. It was almost midnight when we got the call. My father was drunk from a dinner he came from, and my mother can’t drive. I quickly got changed and drove us to the nearby hospital.

I think his suite was on the 5^th floor or something. After I parked and walked in, my grandfather’s back was facing the door while he leaned on top of a small table. Apparently lying down was too painful. I could immediately tell from his features and fragile stare, that compared to just a few days ago when I visited him, he was dying.

The room was just the four of us and an Ayi who was taking care of him. It was an absurd situation. My parents tried to pretend to do something by uttering some useless words to make themselves feel better. My father sat beside him for a few seconds before my grandfather said, “Just go, you guys being here won’t make things better.” My father responded by saying, “I know.” And after a few minutes, was prepared to leave.

That was it. We were starting to leave after only what could’ve been a 10-minute stay.

I wanted to do something, or say something, I guess. So, I asked to be in the room for a little while they left the room. I sat beside him, looked at my grandfather in the eyes, and just put my right hand on his back, and said, “爷爷, 你不行了.” In which he looked back, and responded, “杨杨，爷爷不行了.”

He knew.

I wanted to stay a bit longer but out of nowhere he started to insist I go. With the last amount of must he could gather, he almost scorned me to get the Ayi here and for me to leave. In his last moments, or what he thought were his last moments, he still wanted to preserve his dignity and not be a burden. Think about that for a moment – living all your life, just so in your final moments you would say, “leave me alone, I am going to die alone.”

That same night, while I was driving out the hospital, I saw a second scene – it was a young man, around my age, crying on the side of the road with only a t-shirt on. This was not unusual given we were at a hospital. But beside him, I saw a young woman, I assumed his girlfriend, holding both his hands, while periodically wiping the tears off his face. He was looking around, almost embarrassed that he was crying in public, but her eyes never left his face. She kept holding both his hands and indulged what must’ve been cries of despair and insisted to him that she was there for him, and that everything was going to be okay.

I’ve learnt a lot that night – from the absurdity of the human condition to the suffocating reality that death is and the heavenly force of love, I ask you the only question that seems to matter, “Who’s going to hold your hand in your final moments?”

* * * * * *

Looking back at 2024, and ahead to 2025, I am reminded the struggle that seems to hold all the graduates together: the job search. Almost everyone, including me, in different ways, are all worried about landing that first good job out of college. The competition is heating up; the market is slowly saturated. And we are all looking at each other, anxiously, hoping to land a name that can signal to everyone, “I’m doing well.”

In other words, for the Chinese residents, it is the talk of the dinner table. Can you impress your parents? Or better yet, can you impress your parent’s friends?

* * * * * *

I’ve asked people for their resolutions this year. Here they are:

“Get a six pack. Win against Instagram reels addiction and get a job in London. Try to give 100% every day while still finding the time to appreciate the little things. “It’s either one day or day one.””

“I thought my least favorite question was “so, what do you like to do in your spare time?” Now, it’s “what is your New Year’s resolution?” Frankly, I never really followed a yearly goal, I kind of just continue my life as a new year comes and maybe never had the courage to change significantly. I suspect my third least favorite question would come sooner than I think, which is “so, how was your 2025, did you reach your goals?” To not need to dislike this question, I will try to not fear change, maybe find a job, live a little more, and make more good memories with good people.”

“Learn to swim. Exercise twice a week, any sports. Read 10 books. Save for my f**k you money. Love my loved ones.”

“This year I’d like to reach out to more 长辈 for advice on life, career, relationships. Additionally, I’d like to continue learning how to harness my emotions and remain cool, calm, and composed most of the time.”

“Get a job in London – I really need to get a job this year and take the next step in my career. Make more friends – it’s time to meet new people and build more connections.”

“To make myself truly satisfied about something and don’t make any decisions that I would regret. Instead of just accepting myself I want to truly feel I’ve made satisfying achievements. I also made regretful decisions in 2024 that I hope to not repeat in 2025.”

“Get a pay rise. To go on a business trip. Gym 4-5 times a week. Start Pilates. Try boxing or a form of combat sport. Start running. Learn to swim. Go on a family holiday. Explore Japan and Southeast Asia. Stay in touch with friends and plan trips. 2025 is the year of the snake (my year)! Stay healthy, be happy.”

“Hi everyone, hope you all are having a fantastic New Year! Yang asked me to share a paragraph about my New Year’s resolution, though I feel like taking a tangent and speak some of my own mind. This isn’t the first time he asked me to write something (sorry Bryan, was supposed to write you a blog, but it’s currently being delayed indefinitely).

I remember Christmas of 2022 when we visited Barcelona, Yang asked us what our New Year resolutions were, I said I wanted to bench 225; fast forward 19 months later, I finally hit that goal. It was a bit late, but it still came. Point is, although your goals or resolutions might be far from reach in times; you might feel shit, you might have self-doubt, you might wanna give up yourself. But you shouldn’t. Yes, easier said than done, yet in the same time it’s true. Ok I’m done sucking my own cock now.

Reflecting on 2024, what a fucking crazy year…Went on my first ski trip, wrote a bachelor thesis, graduated, went to Albania (such an underrated gem), Switzerland (I want to live there), benched 225, started working full time, got a sim, driver’s license…wow it really was a rollercoaster.

Going into 2025, what new adventure awaits me? For 2025 I’m thinking of finally finishing my goddamn military service, proceed to at least get CFA level 1 (and 2 if time allows), bike 太湖 in one go, and get back training for a full marathon. I think in general I want to stay happy, grateful, and be full of life.

Cheers everyone, thx for reading my 2024 reflection, and my prospect for 2025. I wish you all to achieve your goals, but most importantly be happy :)”

“2025

The biggest thing with me is that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. I aim high, I want to do well, but most times my productivity and my ability to pull myself out of my bed doesn’t match my targets. It’s not a great mental state to be in.

So my number 1 new year resolution is to be great at execution. That means I do what I need to do. I want to get a good job, so I will continue to do coffee chats and improve my skills in other professional areas. I want to get good grades, so that means not procrastinating, paying attention, and having a better schedule to complete assignments and exams. I want to have a good sleeping schedule, and that means actually fixing it instead of failing again. I have many others things that I want to do but never executed or took the first step. I’d like to mature up and really try hard with my career and what benefits me in the long run, but I never started. At the end of the day, I’m happy if I go full in during periods I need to work hard, and do what I’m supposed to do. I’m happy when I’m working towards to right direction, even if I fail.

So how do I do this? I don’t know. First is perhaps be a more responsible person, living up. To my own words and my promises to myself. Second is having a purpose, and to really think about what I want in life. Third is knowing how to detach from things from time to time. Fourth is just to really try and really force myself.

In the end, 90% of my stress and self deprecation comes from procrastinating and not trying hard. I hope to be a different person and mature up in 2025.”

* * * * * *

I’ve always looked at myself like a piece of rock – full of unforgiving corners and rough edges – or the piece of marble that Michelangelo started with. Throughout my life, my goal as the sculptor is to create something beautiful out of this ugly piece. And the unavoidable way to do that is to experience some suffering – in other words, tools and hammers need to do their jobs.

And how do you create something unique? How can you so be so sure that you will be carving yourself and not David? Michelangelo gave what I thought to be the perfect answer that Charlie would’ve loved. When asked how David was created, he said, “It’s simple. I just remove everything that is not David.” When I look at my life and the unusual tendencies I have – from quitting jobs that other people won’t to being very specific in who I want to deal with in life and so on and the way I want to live – I understand that my quirkiness (don’t know if this word is still in season) is…well, strange, and solitary. But, in the end, when I am lying on my death bed like my grandfather was (or wasn’t), I want to be able to confidently say, “I am who I am. And I did it my way.”

2024 has taught me so much. Every year, I hope to look back at myself in the year before and admit that I was a total idiot here and there. And last year was no different. I’ve made many mistakes. Lied a few times. And disappointed myself on occasions (yea…that hurts). Going into 2025, I simply hope, I will soldier on and keep going.

Reading people’s New Year’s resolutions really put things into perspective. In the end, all the seemingly important things become white noise and the seemingly unimportant things catch up to us. So, remember to help a friend on his or her solitary journey – to walk beside them, and be their friend. They might be the ones holding your hand in your final moments.

Maybe in the end it is reasonable to have only 2 goals in life:

1. Find happiness.
2. Help others find happiness.

And with that in mind, I share with you my New Year’s resolution for the upcoming year and many more: to relentlessly pursue love in every form, and to love life itself – to smile and laugh more.

Happy 2025. May the world be your oyster.