So this was not the surprise I was referring to. In fact, I did not expect this at all. But it says something about Bryan to put in the effort to write something about me – and this was not in reaction to what I have written about him, he’s been planning this for a while now.
So, just a few comments before reading Bryan’s post: first, I really do appreciate the post and the effort. It made my morning as I woke up and just saw a word doc sitting in our chat box. Second, Bryan is honest – for example, he mentions trying to help Alex at the end of the post. And although he hasn’t mentioned it, he decided to name Alex as Vice President (or some other title) at the Finance club he created just to help with Alex’s CV. Alex did nothing to deserve this except having the great fortune of having Bryan as a friend.
Lastly, I just wanted to reinforce the importance of good friends, and this is a living example. Good people + genuine intentions is a good formula to enrich your life. If you walk into a room of 100 people, you can probably filter our 90 people with shallow intentions. But out of the 10, if you can find a Mathew, an Alex, or a Bryan, you would have really won big.
I hope all of you enjoy this piece. And remember to text Bryan to thank his efforts – he has potential to be a great writer.
As you may know, Yang has started the friends series and written amazing pieces. These blogs are an amazing initiative and I’m sure Alex and Mathew loved them. Taking the initiative doesn’t always lead to the best outcome: the friend that organizes every hangout may appreciate someone else doing it for once, the parent that spends majority of the day keeping the house clean may appreciate the kid to take care of it once. I have a lot of great things to say about Yang. I’m not a great writer, but I hope he will like this piece.
I started writing this the night after Yang left, but I wanted to follow Yang’s tone of writing. It took a long time to construct a few sentences, so I have decided to just speak from my heart. It’s also a lot of work so I can understand why FOREST doesn’t want to write for me, so kudos to Yang for writing this many amazing pieces.
At the time of this writing, Jennifer asked me why I’m such good friends with Yang. I took a long time to think about this question and I came to the conclusion that Yang shares similar struggles, values relationships, truthful about himself, truthful about his friends, engages in meaningful conversations, and smart about his words.
Yang and I met in Year 6, and I guess you can say that we’ve been friends for 10 years. We were not really close until the end of high school. Afterwards, we shared many meaningful memories, whether if it is late-night conversations or sitting at the top of the hill in Barcelona for hours. One thing I’ve realized after university is that you can have one friend or a hundred friends that you have fun with, but a deeper connection is never there unless you talk about your struggles or solve a tough issue together. This has made me appreciate my high school friends more than ever. Perhaps a little too much as I cried in Jennifer’s arms in an super exciting Euro trip on the night I said good bye to my high school buddies. I don’t usually cry but it was an extremely weird and frustrating feeling when you realize this might be last time you see your friends. Despite having a deep connection with all my high school friends, I’d say I have the deepest connection with Yang.
Yang is great, as he mentioned, we have similar struggles. Whether if it’s because we are discontent with our lives, or with gym stuff, or with relationship issues. This is perhaps why I have a deeper connection with Yang, because we are both very open with our feelings and struggles. This is true to the reason to the deeper connection, because although I may be very good friends with Forest, William, Adi, Steven, and Alex, we never talk about these things. I don’t blame them as they are rather private people, and William is probably just never unhappy with anything. Perhaps also because I have not done well on my end. I want to use this blog to tell you guys that when you guys do struggle, I would also be there for you. Yang and I only started becoming closer when he became more open with his thoughts and emotions. He has always been a man of emotion and romanticism, but I did not see through his sarcasm back then. There was one time in Chinese class where everyone had to write a comment about a random classmate, and when it came to Yang, his comment was of course, on his sarcastic nature. It’s hard to believe that he is the person that I talk about my struggles the most nowadays as you want someone that does not judge you, and Yang was quite the opposite. So it is really amazing how far Yang has come in this aspect. I recognize that it is very hard for someone to make this change if that’s a habit you follow growing up.
Yang values relationships. It’s a big thing to fly all the way from Shanghai to Toronto, on top of having to fly to Hong Kong and then back to London. Despite Alex not being here, he still took the effort. I know that Yang did not just do this because I flew to London, he did it because he values relationships. Despite him being nonexistent in group chats, he would take the effort to catch up with me through calls and texts. Although I did not appreciate his 2 hour calls, I still don’t, but I really recognize the effort. On top of this, who really takes the effort to write these blogs to their friends besides Yang? He is also the one in London to keep in touch with Forest and Joshua, despite Forest always declining with weird excuses. That just tells you how much he values relationships.
Yang is also truthful. That’s the thing I appreciate the most about him, he’s truthful with his feelings, he tells you his deep thoughts, he tells you what he feels about you, and sometimes he tells you what you want to hear.
Yang is very truthful with his feelings. He takes a lot of time on self-reflection, he recognizes his own shortcomings, and he does something about them. This is a very underrated attribute and I wish I could be more truthful with myself too. A very underrated example is why he goes to the gym. He tells me he does not like the process at all and does it solely for physique purposes. The things he experiments with his diets is insane, he fasted, he does extensive research on food, and is very strict in terms of little details. To do all these just for physique purposes is beyond my comprehension. At the start, I shared similar motivations, but it gradually became something fun to do and part of my life. So to make these changes and stick to them is nothing but self-discipline, and I respect the hell out of that. Especially when being overweight has been his problem his whole life, taking this step and persist to it is just impressive.
Yang has deep thoughts: you can probably tell from his endless quotes from Charlie Munger (he bought a Charlie poster to hang in his new apartment which I am extremely against about). He has his own set of rules of live by, his principles, and his own perspective on what to achieve in life. That is quite something and I really respect anyone that has his own principles and perspectives.
Yang is also truthful with his friends, even when it comes to his not-so-close friends. When a friend is struggling, he does not just sit by and let them continue in the wrong path, he is genuinely concerned and does something about it. That really tells you something about him as a responsible and truthful person. He tells you what he thinks your short-comings are. For example: he told me my biggest strength and weakness is taking whatever comes to you. I have yet to really comprehend this comment but definitely something I need to think about. This is also something I really appreciate about Forest. Forest made a comment to me and I remember them to this day: he said I should not be like a 乌云. Back then in IB, I was someone that really displays my inner feelings. When I am not the happiest, I put it on my face and does not make the effort to not let it affect others. In university, I have really recognized this and I can confidently say that I have changed in this aspect. This is a really important trait, and you have to make an effort in not bringing that negative energy around you. So, thank you Forest. You may think this is only 1 time and is not an attribute you share, but it definitely is. There were a couple of other comments as well but I won’t share them here.
Yang also engages in meaningful conversations with his deep thoughts, unlike myself who is just goofy most of the times. I have really learned this from Yang. For example, when I’m talking to my coworkers, I subconsciously shadow his conversations. I would ask them about their relationships, their personal lives, and what they do for a living. They have proven to be quite helpful. Another example is during the trips, he’s always the one to bring up a meaningful topic. During my first visit to London, he brought up how everyone back in high school is doing now and some of the great memories we’ve had before. Conversations like these are what brings friends together at a deeper level, and this is one of the reason Yang has a deep connection with several of his friends.
Yang also tells you what you want to hear. This might be small but Yang, you have done more impacts than you recognize. As I mentioned, Yang was a chronically sarcastic person, but he was also the first one to give compliments. There was a while where if you try anything new, at least one of your friend will begin shitting on you. Yang might have been the one to break this trend, he started complimenting your clothes, your new hairstyle, or your achievements. Sometimes in life you just need someone to recognize them and it meant a lot. I did try quite hard back in IB, and it is just really meaningful for someone to recognize it and provide reassurance: it can come as small as trying new clothes.
So why am I such good friends with Yang? There you have the answers.
Overall, Yang is just such an interesting guy. This guy puts his childhood yearbook photo as his Linkedin profile. He’s also the only one that is genuinely interested in investments. This guy can miss an interview entirely at an investment bank and still land the role. He can write blogs about his friends. Like is this even a real person??
It’s never been easy for me to make one best friend, and perhaps I haven’t had any growing up. To have a deep connection with Yang says a lot about his character. He says that he is not easy to be friends with, but look what happened to us, with Raphael, with Alex, and so many others.
I hope all the best for you Yang. I have no doubt that you will live a full life. You recognize yourself that sometimes you go down a rat race, but know that it is also a blessing and try to not let it affect you so much. Good luck with starting your job, and I hope to see you in Christmas.
To end this, I also want to use this opportunity to write a few words for my very good friends.
Forest, I respect you for all your achievements. From an academic level, having the drive to achieve good grades all your life and getting into Cambridge is truly amazing. I have no doubt that you will land a good job and be amazing. From a personal level, it is amazing that you are in a relationship for that long. I know there has been up and downs and it must have taken a lot of efforts from both sides to keep this going. You have also been a great friend. You have always been there when I had struggled. One night in Barcelona you mentioned that you wish we were closer. I can tell you with certainty that I feel the same way. But it is a fact that we are close friends, and I hope there comes an opportunity to see you again these years. I expect to be one of your best mans and I expect my flight ticket to be compensated. Thanks and I will keep giving you shit whenever we talk. Good luck in Cambridge (because that is what defines you now). In all seriousness, I hope all the best with you.
William, I respect you for constantly working on yourself. I know having a great sleep schedule, going to the gym, dieting everyday did not just come by themselves. I am sure you have taken a lot of effort into achieving them. Most importantly, I have bigger muscles than you (I don’t care if its fat I don’t care I don’t care fuck you). I think you have come a long way in the past year. I mentioned to Yang that it feels like you were a different person when we had the Italy trip. Although sometimes I am baffled by the way you think, but you are a great friend to be around with. We had many good memories growing up: 你的开大脚, Friday dinner gang, late night rides, very late night hang outs with Adi on the roof. I also respect you for having your own opinions, you don’t just follow the crowd. Going to Amsterdam for university was very interesting, but I respect you for that. I hope all the best for you in starting your new job and military (which I don’t have to do btw).
Adi, I respect you for being such a good friend. We shared a lot of great memories together. 大晚上去网吧，late night rides, Friday dinner gang, post ups in football, the Amsterdam trip, black swan, 大晚上在 rooftop 躺着. There were just so many great memories. You were the only one that always delivers when I tell you to come out. You were there for me when I struggled too: the conversation we had at 你家对面日餐店, and I can never forget how you brought me candy when I get rejected by Cornell. It was a very very long reach of course but it still sucked. But that little thing helped me more than you know. You are an amazing friend to be around with. Although I don’t reply to your messages, I do value our relationship. I do hope all the best for you. You and I both have something to learn from Yang in terms of self-improvement, and I hope we can both take steps while we can.
Sniper, I respect your grind and your commitment in relationships. What can you not do Sniper. You were the very first ones to go to gym, you play underwater pool, you are very good at football, you are smart, you work hard, you are very emotionally stable, and you are amazingly, unbelievably great to your girlfriend. Overall, you are also just a very nice person. Jennifer liked you so much after our one dinner that she always asks me how you are doing. I went to Tokyo Kitchen so many more times than you did and the manager only recognizes you. You are crazy good to your girlfriend and you do things that I don’t think any normal guy can do. You are always smiling despite inevitable stress. It was great to be around you. I certainly had fun in the late night rides, Friday dinners, and Toronto frisbee sessions. I know that you are going to do well no matter what comes at you, and I hope we can meet again in the near future because a certain someone did not come to our trips. I expect to be your best man too buddy.
Raphael, I respect you for your grind. It’s quite amazing that you have become a completely different person from back then. The things I have heard about you from Yang are just great. You work hard in every aspects. You work hard with your career. You also work hard in relationships. Yang once told me that you said everything in life, including relationships, are a product of hard work. That was quite a comment as I thought these things just come naturally to you. It is no coincidence that you have met Monica and been in a relationship for that long. I really was stupid for letting someone else’s comment and my emotions get in the way of our friendship, but there is no coming back. I don’t expect anything out of this, but I just wanted to let you know. We shared great memories back then, and you were an amazing friend to be around with.
Alex, I live with you so I don’t want to say corny stuff to you. Even though I see you like 15 minutes a day, you’re also a great friend to be around with. We shared many memories back then. It went as early as hanging out with you in your basement (that sounds weird) and breaking your mom’s cups 3 times to high school and university life. Despite my distancing from the old group of friends, you never held a grudge and I appreciate that more than you know. You are actually quite decent in interpersonal things. Back then when you pissed me off you would still talk to me, trying to resolve the issue, which takes a lot of energy. To now having your group of friends, and a few very close friends, and certain female from Texas wanting you. You are also quite good in time-management. I am still confused how you game so much and get good grades. I hope you will find a great job and a great master’s program. I will try my best to help you with the process and I hope you can take things like career or whatever more seriously from time to time. To end this, plz don’t block the drain again, and fuck you.
To end this piece, thank you Yang, and thank you to everyone that has made my high school years amazing. I have learned from each one of you more than you know. Working hard from Forest, self-improvement from William, being a good friend from Adi, how to treat your girl from Sniper, dealing with relationships from Raphael, time-management from Alex, and finally, all the above things from Yang. Having a group of very close friends is something I did not have until I started appreciating you guys. Perhaps this is why I am having troubles moving on from these years. The reality is we might not meet a lot of times in the future, and perhaps it is time for me to move on and focus on myself. My dad always said he is envious of me for having such close friends, and he was always supportive of me with the costly trips. I have a couple of friends in Toronto, but they are just different and I don’t try to maintain these relationships that hard. I don’t think I will ever make friends like you guys again, and I hope there comes to a time when the Friday dinner gang reunites.
Written from Toronto when I am supposed to be studying for Finals,
Bryan
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