Alistair's blog

In order to restore quality to this blog, I resume to my friends series that everyone seems to love. As you can tell, the present one is about Mathew – whom I love. I hope to write great and entertaining pieces for this remaining series, as that’s what you all deserve. The present piece is only a fraction of who Mathew really is – enjoy.

P.S. The audio files don’t seem to work on phones, so I encourage you to listen to them on your laptops, I think it’s worth it!

I love to laugh with friends. Both Mathew and I have mentioned how much fun we had along with Alex just joking around. To prove this, I clipped some audio files from the “podcast” we hosted during school that I find particularly funny.

“Mathematics is eastern…I’ve done my background research…the language of asiatic competence…that is true…I did not make it up, I looked it up…” What the fuck?

“Just because they have the documents…” spoken like a true immigration officer.

And the best for last…

“We live in such an international community…there are dogs barking…there are muslims praying…” Lmao.

I’ve once heard Daniel Kahneman break down happiness as two parts – the remembering self and the present self. Memories are such a crucial element of our existence, and I’ve had a lot of fun with Mathew.

I’ve forgotten how Mathew and I became good friends. He came to our school right at the start of high school and became quickly familiar with our circle. But we still weren’t close. I remember one time we were playing volleyball and I kept throwing the ball at Mathew and he got mad – so he started coming after me and pushing me. I remember thinking, “You don’t want to make this guy mad…” It would’ve been weird and surreal if you told me then that we would become very good friends.

I think in the end different people just came and go and we were the few that stuck around.

But overlooking our youthful memories, both Mathew and I have made significant changes since high school. I don’t know when, but it was during some moment in all this maturing that we’ve agreed on our life philosophy: we don’t want to live with regrets.

Regrettably, these conclusions comes from very personal experiences – we’ve both had regrets in our life. And I can tell you, nothing stings more than regret. It’s a horrible feeling.

They say one element of comedy comes from the unpredictability – some people who only have a shallow first impression of Mathew may misconstrue him as someone else and not discover his many great qualities – on top being funny, Mathew is sincere, brave, kind, caring, and above all, virtuous.

I have seen him willing to donate to strangers for charity, but also get frustrated and vocally mad when these strangers are not serving it for a good cause. He calls and talks to friends when they are going through a tough time – and he constantly makes time to talk and catch up with people from all walks of life, sometimes this means flying there in person. Mathew makes an effort.

The one thing I am the proudest of Mathew is his willingness to change: since high school, Mathew is not the same person. He does not look like the same person as he has bulked up and been in the gym. He does not speak like the same teenager with the life experiences he has gained along with the self-reflectiveness he has inspected. He does not seem like the same student with all the effort he has put into his career and future prospects – along with this all this effort and change, the universe has awarded him with healthier relationships and a better life.

As I write this, Mathew is in the middle of an internship that he has received after countless rejections.

When I call Mathew, he would almost always tell me the updates about a person or a friend he has recently met or talked to – and I am always surprised that he still talks to a particular person as I would never bother. But in most ways, Mathew is a more delightful person to talk to.

Sometimes you need to ask yourself, are you living what Sartre would call a “toothless life?” – “I have led a toothless life, he thought, a toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for later on and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone.”

Many of us need to imitate Mathew and take more bites in life.

The truth is, I am a shy person – shy in the sense that I don’t really enjoy talking about my problems and thoughts too much. When given the medium, like writing, these thoughts come out and take shape. But if you were just talking to me, you would not be made aware of these emotions – which is why one of the most common comments of my blog when it first came out was, “I didn’t know you were such a good writer.”

But Mathew sees through this, and when he notices I am having an off day, he probes. And after my annoying reluctance and lack of detail diction, I let it out. In the end, I always walk away feeling a bit better.

That is one thing I really appreciate about being friends with Mathew – sometimes I also feel the burden of desire or comparison, and sometimes when I feel this way, I go through all the things that I am grateful for in my life, and friends like Mathew are always at the top of my list; I think the thing that separates Mathew from some other people is that I truly feel we are on the same team. There is no ill intent. And whatever life throws my way, I can talk with him about it without any concerns. I can share the good news and bad. We are like comrades against life’s absurdity.

Over the years, we have both gone through cycles of good and bad – we have learnt to meet these swings with a sense of equanimity and rationality, always believing in a tomorrow. In the end, Mathew is the type of friend you want on your team.

In fact, rationality is one trait that everyone can learn from Mathew. Charlie Munger said in his last interview,

“Some people just naturally complain and other people just naturally put their head down and solider through it. Warren and I believe in just soldiering through it without too much fuss. I have the theory that the dumbest thing you can ever do in life is to feel like a victim. Any politician that makes people feel like victims, I automatically dislike. I never saw any good come off feeling like a victim. Even if you are a victim. I think it’s a mistake.”

Mathew is a survivor. I have seen him gone through periods of unideal conditions and come out the other end. When we talk, he would sometimes mention one of these circumstances that is bothering him, but we would also quickly move on – not to signify lack of importance, but because we both know what he should, and would do.

And then, quickly thereafter, we would make a joke and laugh.

I once read this great quote by Herman Hesse, “Learn what is to be taken seriously and laugh at the rest.” I think that sums up both my relationship with Mathew and Alex – we like to laugh and joke around. But sometimes, life strikes, and you must be ready.

The only relevant test of intelligence is whether you can get what you want out of life – and in such a frame, Mathew is much smarter than me. Especially when it comes to the ladies, I’ll just leave it at that – and he’ll tell you!

Which speaking of the betrothed, every time Mathew and I speak he brings up the idea of female prospects, like part big brother and part father – hopefully one day I can do it my way and break the news proudly.

But do not mistake Mathew as unfaithful – in fact, quite the contrary, he is one of the most loyal friends you can have. At times, his loyalty and other virtues may be let down by other people.

When that happens, well, that is unfortunate.

I have a particularly gay memory with Mathew. This happened years ago, but it’s a funny memory to tell because of its unnecessary romanticism – one day, when we were on our grad trip, the lads, girls, and us were pre-drinking before they wanted to head out to a bar of some sort – and during the pre-drinking, our incredibly wild friend decided to play a drinking game. It was the first time I played this game. And for some reason, I just kept losing and losing. I picked the wrong card. Called the wrong number. Looked at the wrong person. Rolled the wrong dice. Kissed the wrong guy. Whatever. It was not my night. And so, I just kept chugging this really heavy vodka and taking shots. By the end of it, I was a little drunk. Drunk enough that I kind of fell asleep as everyone else got ready to go out. But a few hours later, when Mathew and the lads and girls along with other people they met at the bar came back to our place, I slowly started to wake up, but I was still kind of sleeping, not fully lucid. And as I opened my heavy eyelids, I saw a silhouette and an outline of two separate man sequentially – first, a short, ugly person who looked like a stranger to me said, “Oh, lol, Yang is sleeping!” to his fellow friends, mockingly almost, and when he uttered those words I knew immediately who the person was despite still having my eyes shut. Then he left and went upstairs. But then, a few seconds, maybe a minute later, I heard footsteps come down the stairs. And then I can roughly tell that it was a handsome, 6-foot-man, could have been mixed blooded, person walked up to my bed. He didn’t utter a single world. But simply looked down at me. And tugged my blanket a little higher off my chest so that it would cover the bottom of my face…and then left.

Well, that’s a very gay memory. I wish I know who it was.

Anyways, Mathew and I have a lot of great memories – from spending time in Alex’s room, and watching him pray while drunk and telling us to trust him because his mum is buddhist, to climbing a ridiculously steep hill in Bath and playing unnecessary long Fifa games, we’ve had fun.

And if you inspect it more closely, Mathew and I, along with Alex and others, are unsurprisingly different people – we may have some similar philosophies and personalities (as he is an ENTP and I am an INTP), but we live very different lives and have different routines. When we are not spending time together, we are mostly minding our own business – I may choose to spend my hours alone, while Mathew prefers the companion of friends or his girlfriend. I may be exploring some strange hobby and rabbit hole that I recently got into and he is working or networking. And as he have told you, I explore the sentimental more than he does.

In fact, maybe those who become familiar with Mathew will be surprised when they meet me. But that’s what I like about this relationship – in fact, it is probably a good testimony that it works. That despite these differences, we’ve made it work.

And despite everything, Mathew does not judge, and still does his best to be a true friend. For that, I am always grateful. There were a few times in my life where I was not responding well – The most recent one came during the ending months of 2022. On October 7^th 2022, the entry on my journal reads, “I’m in a lot of pain.” I was living with Mathew during this time, and I would’ve definitely been worse off without him. But in the end, it comes down to a personal reaction to suffering – and I did, and it went fine.

Mathew and I have seen a lot of people do well and then fall off a cliff – we have seen people who were once funny, popular, and interesting become not that person anymore. We have seen people who were once a valuable person to spend time with become someone who takes away more than they give away. When I encounter and hear about these people, one of my great fears is that either one of us become such a person. We have learnt that consistency and the will to become better are incredibly important.

You move in the direction of your friends, so choose them wisely.

With this friends series, I always return to the same mental model for the last thing I want to leave: which is if there was only one chance to say something about this person, what would I say to him? And to everyone else?

Well, Mathew, due to some strange force, or fate, the universe has somehow allowed us to become friends. In this universe, the person you have befriended can be described as quite strange – he is perhaps half agony, and half hope. He is an observer of both the factual and sentimental and swings between those realities – his personality can be described as an enigma, while sometimes reserved, and other times annoying. In every way, he seems like a handful. But this particular person, due to some strange luck not attributable to him, has been incredibly lucky.

In this universe for example, he has befriended someone better than him. A person who has all the right qualities – a person who is kind and brave. And scared to waste this strange luck, this person has tried using his adult days to be useful. He has tried to move in the direction of his friend and become a better person.

And perhaps, that is his greatest luck of all – that this particular friend has made him better in every way.

Perhaps life is rigged – and at the end of the tunnel, we do find out that life can only be a tragedy or a comedy. But despite that truth, I have found it incredibly worthwhile. Because at the end of the day, nothing beats the laugh and companion of a true friend.

I have made many mistakes in life, but choosing the wrong friends have not been one of them.

Thank you for being a friend, Mathew.