May 9th, 2024
When are you the happiest?
For me, it’s when I’m laughing. Some of my fondest memories comes from crying laughing with friends. And when it comes to having a good sense of humor, it’s hard to beat Alex.
I’ve known Alex for a long time. Since kindergarten. We grew up in the same city, the same school, and even in the same neighbourhood. These similarities, including very similar personalities, brought us together. And we’ve been laughing together since. One time, we were laughing so obnoxiously on the dinner table, that my mother threatened to kicked us out.
Alex is what we call a “smart-ass.” In school, if he listened in class, no one would grasp concepts faster than him. He was witty and had a curious mind. I remember in our 5th grade Chinese class, he wrote about struggling to write an essay that week. And got away with an A. An idea that I stole two years later, and received an F.
I don’t think anyone I know enjoyed a higher ROI in terms of effort and grade received than Alex – he somehow just knew what to write and what to do to get the best grade without burning himself out. In our high school psychology class, he took my IA, copied and rewrote it, and received a higher grade than me.
We joined an American summer school one year to study philosophy. And in the very first lesson, the professor asked us to define the study – I struggled a few minutes and came up with “the study of the relationships of men, men and others, and men with god.” The professor nodded and tried to offer some comforting comments. Alex was next. He looked down at his notes and said, “the study of why.” Everyone laughed, and the professor gave no comments.
That’s Alex for you.
For those who don’t know, Alex is a prolific gamer. As evident from one of the titles of his YouTube videos, “dear ladies I am #272 in the world please dm me.” Some people choose money or cologne as their weapon of choice in the mating world, not Alex.
By the way, my friend Mathew will attest to this: we witnessed Alex almost dying. He crossed a road in his scooter a fraction of a second too quick before getting run over. In typical Alex fashion, he simply responded to the incident by saying, “In my defence, he was speeding.” This took place the same trip where Alex stayed at the Airbnb while we were out, and chain-smoked an entire pack of cigarettes because he was bored.
I started this series with Alex because some of my earliest memories are us together, sharing laughs. And I believe, Alex, like me, appreciates good memories together. We always lived within 10 minutes away from each other, so we always shared the same bus to school. And if it wasn’t taken, we always went to the end of the bus, where there was the most space. And for the rest of the bus ride, we would either be silently listening to our own music, or laughing at our own jokes. There was a particular period where we both got into magic together, and would try to outsmart each other with the best trick we learnt.
Even earlier, I remember we used to play Chinese chess in his house and with his grandpa. In fact, that was one of the big reasons I got into chess many years later. He wouldn’t agree, but I’m pretty sure we stopped playing because I started winning too often.
I don’t think I’ve ever gave him the credit for this. But one big reason my English hasn’t become terrible is because of Alex. For some reason, Alex had the most pronounced American accent since we were kids. And his English was strikingly good compared to peers (I was still in the ESL class). Over time, talking to him, I think I just started unconsciously mimicking him. And that brought me to the EFL class.
As evident as who’s writing this blog, I tend to be a little more emotional about things and Alex a little more rational. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex worry too much, or even get bothered too heavily. He kind of just let things be and don’t worry until he has to. Every time I’m feeling a little off, talking to Alex reminds me to take myself less seriously.
Alex’s father is a CEO. His mother is a lecturer in physics. I remember when we would review IGCSE physics together, he would just ask his mum. Alex would figure out catchy ways to memorize our notes (to this day, I remember him repeatedly telling me, “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”). Alex’s grandfather fought in the war. I remember Alex once told me the story of how he had to hide in the trees with face paint to camouflage from the enemies (although I’m not sure if that’s true; and I don’t think even Alex knows if it’s true). But Alex’s grandad is a honourable man. I still remember when he would walk Alex to the bus every morning and wave goodbye. And at a vulnerable old age, he still uses the scooter and cooks for the family. He makes sure he isn’t a liability. I respect the hell out of that. To me, that’s old age spent well.
Some of my greatest memories comes from spending time in Alex’s LED-powered room, along with Mathew and Oscar, and acting like idiots. I mean, I can’t tell you how fond those memories are to me – the music would be on, with a backdrop of red LED lights like we were in a strip club, and we would drink and eat takeout while talking about the dumbest things. Alex’s room and bed could barely fit all of us, and someone would had to sit on the floor, but it was the greatest third space we all shared. Alex will usually be on his PC gaming, with us talking in the background, but he was always there and that was enough for us. My favourite part of going to Alex’s house was that it was so ordinary. It did not require meticulous planning. We would just show up at his house after school or on the weekend. And spend hours laughing. I want to give a shoutout to Alex’s dad here. He always knew what we were up to. But he always saved us from explaining ourselves pretending it was really lemonade in our cups. He allowed us to have fun in his house. And gave us the precious high school memories that we wouldn’t else have.
Going back earlier, Alex introduced me to gaming. And although I was never great. I had a lot of fun gaming together while being on call with other interesting characters. It was a great way to spend time together and some of our highlights are always on YouTube to see. At school, the only extracurricular that we did together was volleyball. But our experience was so embarrassing that it’s better left unsaid.
Alex’s younger brother – Eric – is now as tall as both of us. He looks like Alex and shares the same demeanour. Watching a younger generation grow up is a reminder that we are not kids anymore. We have some funny stories about Eric too. But I will not share them here.
Some people may mistake Alex as someone so detached, that he wouldn’t ever care about anything. But that’s not true. He has his principles and he is no pushover. For those that remember a particular English, obese geography teacher we once had – which I don’t even want to dignify him by mentioning his name – that was an asshole to everyone. Alex wrote an essay to school, and he later got fired (or, “let go”).
As you deal with the continuous disappointment that life is, humor becomes extremely important. Finding someone, a friend, that you can laugh with is the best antidote. I remember we used to sit next to a particular scrawny guy in summer school. I didn’t interact with him much while Alex did. After class, when we brought this up, I said, “I thought he was gay,” in which Alex would say, “He’s just Jewish, Yang.” I must admit, it’s been proven over the years that my gaydar is terrible.
I also must apologize to Alex for any time I’ve pushed him too hard: whether it’s telling him to stop cutting his own hair, putting some money into stocks, or going out with me in the humid summer. I sometimes can be a little inconsiderate. But that’s only because I want the best for him. And we always move on like nothing’s happened.
I am constantly reminded the importance of kindness and the lack of such quality in myself.
The nature of the human brain is that it doesn’t automatically save and process everything. We rely on heuristics to go through everyday life. It is therefore inefficient for memories to be stored unless they carry some emotional significance. Which is why the memories that we still remember are either one of happiness or one of trauma. Without memories, we lost a part of ourselves. When I look back at my relationship with Alex, I can recall virtually not one bad memory. That’s saying something.
I want to end this post with this: Alex is one of the most hard-headed guys I know. I’ve never seen him shed a tear or feel sorry for himself. He’s not the person you should go to if you want a shoulder to lie on. However, he is one of the few person who I can go to without any worry of ill intent. In all the years I’ve known him, he has never started an argument with me. If a voice was raised, it was normally because I’m making him do something he doesn’t want to. And every time I have went to him for serious advice, he has never put himself over me, and has never lied to me. He has always gave it to me straight. For that, I’m always grateful. There are very few people in a lifetime where you can share childhood memories and still talk about it in the present day.
I hope, when the year is 2082, and we are approaching our 80th, we can look back and say: we’ve been lucky.
And Alex, we have been lucky.
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